


air-speed velocity

by AoifeMoran



Category: Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, bastard in jedi master's clothing, i dont really have anything to say in my own defense, obi-wan is just pretending to be a Responsible Adult, this entire lineage is full of dramatic bastards, this is pure unadulterated crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:41:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28269291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AoifeMoran/pseuds/AoifeMoran
Summary: "Master Kenobi, where did you get the clones?"
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/drama, Obi-Wan Kenobi/losing his cape
Comments: 10
Kudos: 111





	air-speed velocity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blackkat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/gifts), [kyitsya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyitsya/gifts).
  * Inspired by [concept!Shaak Ti by kyitsya](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/730461) by kyitsya. 



> i know absolutely fuck-all about senate proceedings, the star wars galactic senate and how it works, or timelines of any sort. this is crack and i will not have anyone expecting anything like "standards" or "background research" from me. if characters read as out of character, i do not care, this is c r a c k. thank you and have a nice day.

[Transcript of an audio clip which has gone viral on the holonet, from a hearing before the Finance and Internal Activities Committees in the Galactic Senate on the misuse of Republic funds by the Jedi Order, 17th day of the 6th month, 3634ATC]

Senator Saam: Having addressed the topic of clothing expenditures, and more specifically, the astounding number of cloaks the Jedi Order seems to go through on a yearly basis, I would like to address the main point of order for which we have gathered here. Master Kenobi, you are on record as the Jedi who is responsible for the events which occurred on Geonosis.   
[Silence]  
Master Kenobi, please answer the question.

Master Kenobi: Pardon me, Senator, but what exactly is the question?

Senator Saam: Are you the Jedi responsible for the events which occurred on Geonosis?

Master Kenobi: From a certain point of view, perhaps.

[Senator Saam makes a noise of frustration]  
Senator Saam: Master Kenobi, please explain to us the chain of events which led to the Jedi Order creating a secret, not to mention illegal, army of clone troopers to use against the Republic.

Master Kenobi: Senator, that is an inaccurate understanding of the events. The Jedi Order never commissioned a secret army, nor would it, and certainly would never deploy any army, secret or otherwise, against the Republic. We are peacekeepers, not soldiers.

Senator Saam: Then how is it that there happens to be an army of clone soldiers in service to the Jedi Order, if they were not bought and paid for _by_ the Jedi Order, and therefore through funds allocated by the Republic for the funding of said Order? Master Kenobi, where did you get the clones?

Master Kenobi: I found them.

[Senator Saam is visibly taken aback; from the Senate Gallery sounds of amusement and confusion are audible]  
Senator Saam: Found them? On Geonosis? They’re clones!  
  


[Master Kenobi blinks several times in confusion]  
Master Kenobi: What do you mean?

Senator Saam: That’s in Republic space!  
[The text of the Fifty Seventh Amendment to the Constitution of the Galactic Republic, which outlaws the cloning of sentient beings, appears on every holoscreen and datapad in the hall]

Master Kenobi: The Jedi may travel to another sun, or the citizen, or the Senator may seek warmer climes in winter, but these are not strangers to our Republic!

[Incredulous silence]

Senator Saam: Master Kenobi.  
[The Jedi Master inclines his head towards the Senator]  
Master Kenobi, are you suggesting that clones _migrate_?

Master Kenobi: [Jovially] Not at all, Senator.  
[Senator Saam and spectators in the Gallery let out sighs of relief]  
They could be carried.

[Master Kenobi smirks directly into a holocam]

**Author's Note:**

> the working title for this was "conservation of tropical tuna" because in order to see what a transcript of a senate hearing looks like, i googled "senate hearing transcript" and one thing led to another and I now have a PDF of "Hearing, 87th Congress - Conservation of tropical tuna: hearings before the Subcommittee on Inter-American Affairs of the Committee on Foreign Affairs." fascinating stuff, really
> 
> this work was brought to you by fanart by kyitsya of Jedi Master Shaak Ti in a pond (link at top of work) which had major Lady of the Lake vibes, and Kat (blackkat) finding my weird sense of humour amusing.


End file.
